Birthdays

4 Days left, and most of you know what day it is today...my actual birthday.  Yup, I am on here typing at 12:21 AM because I could not sleep out of excitement for today.

So what am I going to talk about today?  Me.  While this may seem not surprising to most of you, it is to me.  A year ago, I could not say the things about myself I am going to say today.

I Am Creative.

This is something I have always been aware of.  I have been drawing since I entered second grade, and my love for it has never failed.  And boy, did I have an imagination.  All kids do at that age, but eventually the majority of people eventually lose it.  I didn't.  Today I still have this childlike love for stories and an evergrowing imagination that just wants to keep on creating more and more.

I Am Intelligent.

This was hard for me to understand for the longest time.  While school was always pretty easy for me, I never really thought as myself as intelligent.  Everyone else says that they are the intelligent ones, and for a person like me, it's hard to trust myself when everyone else says otherwise.  But that is not now.  More and more I get praised for my intelligence, and am told that I have some wisdom.  While I still find it a little hard to believe, I can't help but wonder if that really is the case.

I Am Cheerful.

I have always been somewhat of an emotional person.  Sometimes, I wonder if I kept my childhood emotions with the intelligence of getting older.  I am always seeking fun, and find joy out of the smallest of things.  I can easily get sad too though, mad, depressed, or many other emotions besides happiness.  But one thing I have learned about myself is that I have a default emotion: Happiness.  No matter what the hardship, no matter how depressed I feel, it will only be a certain amount of time before I suddenly cheer up again, and become the person that everyone knows me as.

I Am A Supporter.

One of the things I enjoy most is making other people happy.  I love the smiles that come from their faces, and the feeling that I've done something to make them that way.  And if anything begins to take that smile away, I try my best to bring the smile back.

I Am Corrupted.

When depression hit just about a year ago, I began to feel very corrupted.  There were times I would wonder if I was demon possessed, and times where I could swear I heard another voice inside my head besides mine. It was an absolutely terrible experience...at the time.  Now, I feel like praising the Lord for it.  It was terrible, but my connection with darkness has connected me with others who have felt the same.  There are some people that I never would have been able to impact without having gone through the experience myself and been able to understand their feelings.  Through these dark scars I have removed the dark scars off of others, and I can't help but praise my Lord for them.

I Am Social.

I used to be very shy, but that was before my love for people overtook it.  I am, without a doubt, a people person.  I love people, I love hanging out with them, and I can't spend too long by myself.  I can almost feel energy flooding through me with others, and I swear I become more athletic, intelligent, and an all around stronger person just being around other people.  I can go without sleep as long as there's someone to talk to or play with.  While my issues with trusting others complicates things, when someone has earned my trust, they can't get me to shut up.  I just love being with you people.

I Am Curious.

Not entirely about everything.  There are certain secrets in this world that no mortal was made to understand, and I don't wish to try.  However, I ask questions.  Lots of them.  Why?  How?  When?  Where?  I ask them to try and gain as full of a grasp as I can on the subject at hand.  Why are we going?  How are we getting there, when are we getting there, and where is it?  

I Am Different.

I am an odd person, there is no one like me.  I have odd interests, I think differently than most, I have an odd personality, I am intelligent and yet clumsy, I am emotional and yet a man, I am a completely unique person.  And that uniqueness got me bullied to kingdom come as a child, and shattered my trust in humanity to this day.  I was different, and they hated me for it.  Everything I loved and held dear was considered stupid, childish, and out of the question.  I was an outcast, and no matter how hard I tried to fit in, I never did.  But being different isn't all bad, because it means I think about things that you might not have.  I often find that I am a good supporter partially because I bring up things to depressed people that they never even considered thinking about.

I Am Good.

As a middle schooler, I never thought this.  Two years ago, I never thought this.  Even a couple months ago, I'm not sure that I could say this with complete confidence.  I think hard upon all things said, and I take complaints about who I am and what I do very seriously.  In fact, too seriously.  Over the last year, through the help of friends and my own personal thoughts, it has occurred to me that half of the scars I still carry were given to me by no one else but myself.  I was beating myself up beyond reason, telling myself I was more terrible than I ever was.  And the saddest part was...it could have been avoided.  Had I viewed myself in a more positive light, I wouldn't have half the scars I have today.

This was a lesson I had to learn, and I want you all to hear it.  Today, I am told that I am all these positive things, and one even calls me the best person on the planet.  A year ago, I might not have believed that, but now I do.  I do truly believe that I am a good person, and while I might not be perfect, I'm certainly not bad. I'm kind, caring, and have a heart for God, and there's nothing wrong with any of those things.

This has not just opened my eyes about myself, but about others.  More and more, I notice others doing the exact same thing I did, giving themselves scars for no reason whatsoever.   And thus, my drive to be the best friend I can be burns brighter than I believe it ever did before.

And now, it is time for me to finally try and get some rest.  When I wake up, it will be to a day where I have gone through another year, and a day set aside for me.  My hope is that on all of your birthdays, you treat yourself in the highest respect you can, because you deserve it.  Your birthday is for you, and there's no sense in wasting it.  Invite friends, make special requests to your parents, take time off of work or school, watch your favorite movies, play your favorite games, and take full grasp of just why God created you the way he did, and just how special you really are.  Good night, and have a wonderful day!